Sunday, September 18, 2011

Last year & Birthday

Tomorrow on 19th, I'll be 56 years old.   Well, I wish I will be able to make this birthday my jumping step for the life on my own.  
Firstly, to my bro.
"We are planning your one year memorial service early next month. Your favorite aunty and others will come. I really am sorry that daddy wasn't at the funeral for you last year. But you'd understand it couldn't have been helped with his dementia condition. I'll write a very short tribute for you here after the ceremony. Then, I think I will be able to feel more comfortable. Please don't take this post dishonoring you. Just for my own sake, Niisan(bro)"

Last year was a tough year for me with two things
(1) making hubby's hobby room, (2)bro's illness and losing him. I'm sure that writing about it will give me some peace in my mind.

(1) My hubby retired from his more than 40years' bank-clerk job.  Out of the blue, he announced me to build his hobby room, already having had a prior consultation with the carpenters he has known.  The work took about half and 2 months, which was really longer than we expected. This (link) is my post  I've written about the room only half a month later when I started blogging. 
(2) And, along with the busy days dealing with construction workers, my single bro all of a sudden had been carried by an ambulance with the symtom of  Water Intoxication. I was with him two nights at the hospital and since then he was no longer my bro I knew. I started checking what his mental illness was with PC.  I visited private mental hospital he'd been visiting; slight hope that consulting with the doctor will get a help, but.....  

(1) Busy helping hubby looking for new furniture and setting Soba equipment. Also I had to learn how to boil and cool it  properly with icy wate, also home-made soup for Soba for both cold and hot one.
(2) Seeing bro's symptom getting worse early summer, it was obvious for me that I should convince him that he needed to be admitted. (This tough job should have saved him.) Well, I was surprised that lots of formalities to step to have him hospitalized in psychiatric of General Hospital. He'd been in the hospital untill middle of Sept. When the doctor allowed him to leave, he looked deep in the state of depression even for me.  Around this time of last yer, I was scared that I wasn't sure if he was taking medicine regularly and the doctor didn't see him as often as bro needed. 

I was inviting him dinner a lot (his house is 10 min. drive from my house) worrying about him looking really down. In the middle of Oct. the worst thing happened. We weren't able to expect it happen. After that day on, under the panic state, we tried to do our best to send him to our mother who died almost 10 years ago. It will take a bit of more time for me to be able to erase the thought that the tragedy wouldn't have happened, if I did so and so...

For the last, I appreciate all of my friends here encouraging me by commenting for my posts. Since I started blogging this February, your sweet comments and writing posts helped me a lot mentally.
Thank you very much  everyone,


  1. Dear Orchid, I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow, happy birthday, my friend, I am a year older than you! I hope that the coming year is a good one for you and your family. Don't blame yourself, Orchid. You had no control over your brother's destiny. He is in a good place, don't worry. xo,

  2. Hi Orchid, happy birthday to you hope you have a great day!!
    It sounds as if you have had a hard year, I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.
    Take care.

  3. A very Happy Birthday wish for you my new friend. It does sound like it was a very difficult year. I am sorry about your brothers loss but have come to learn that there's nothing you can do to prevent something like this. It is hard to stop feeling that way though I'm sure. Let's look forward to a brighter and healthier future for all of us! Hugs.

  4. I hope that you have a very wonderful day tomorrow. You deserve it. I can tell this past year has been very rough and has brought a lot of change into your life. Change can cause stress.

    Don't blame yourself for what happened with your brother. Like with my sister, if I had been able to stop her that day, there would have surely been another.

    Hugs and love to you, my friend.

  5. Dear Orchid, You have had a difficult year. We all know what that is like in one way or another.
    Nothing in life is easy we all just do the very best we can.
    I think you have shown strength, love and compassion.
    You are a good, sweet person and I admire how well you have coped with difficult times.
    Many hugs & love........

  6. Dear Orchid san,
    Wishes Happy Birthday to you tomorrow and enjoy with your loved ones.
    Sorry to hear that you have had a difficult year.
    Often life throws you thunderbolts which you don't expect at all and how you choose to deal with then can often make or brake you.
    I had lost my hubby in the 1998.
    It taught me a lot about my own strength and determination and reinforced to me.
    Orchid san Life is just like the book(Turn an next page)
    I sincerity hope here on now that you will have a bright way of your life thinking of you Miyako san.


    I am sorry about your brother. It is so difficult losing someone you love. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about my mother who died last year. I do believe that your brother is with your mother now. I am positive that you did all you could for him. If you don't mind me asking, what is "water intoxication?" I have never heard of that.

    On a brighter note, I saw the pictures of your husband's hobby room! Wow! That is beautiful room! I love all the wood and how clean it looks too.

    Take care of you, Orchid, and please find some time to pamper yourself. You deserve it! Hugs xxxxx

  8. a very Happy Natal Anniversary dear friend!!!
    i hope the coming year brings you happiness.
    this last year has been so hard for you.
    you are a woman with much strength,compassion and beauty(inner and outer).
    blessings to you on your special day!!

  9. Happy Birthday my friend I hope you have a great day, I had to google the term "water intoxication" as I had not heard of it although I did know it was possible to drink to much water.

    I do not know how I would cope if I lost my brother or any of my sisters the thought of it really saddens me so I feel for you, was your brother older or younger then you?

  10. Dear Orchid,
    I wish your birthday to be a happy one. I hope you are going to do something to celebrate your special day. I am so sorry to hear about your brother and know how hard it must be for you. Please don't feel that you are responsible for your brother's actions. I'm sure he knew you loved him and wanted the best for him. I am sure he is with your mother now and that he is a peace. I hope you are feeling much better now. Take care and enjoy your day.

  11. My dear Orchid, I do hope you have a very happy birthday tomorrow my little Japanese friend! I know that you still feel very badly about your brother, and I can understand that. But, really, there would have been nothing you could have done to save him, with the state that he was in. It is very sad, especially to lose someone like that. I was a very tough year for you Orchid. We all love having you as our bloggy friend. You really are so very sweet! Take care and sending you a big hug.

  12. Happy birthday, Orchid san!
    I'm very sorry for the difficult year you had. Your heart still hurts but I'm sure your brother knew you did everything best for him. I hope your heart will heal soon. Have a wonderful birthday Orchid san.

  13. Orchid, you are a strong and beautiful woman and anyone who has the honor to share your life is truly blessed. I am so happy that you found some peace among all of the disharmony you've been through. I am always hear if you need me. Happy birthday, my sweet friend!

  14. Hello Orchid, I learned about your blog from Thisisme tonight. I was very sorry to hear about your brother. This is such a heartache. I lost my brother when he was 21 and it was hard. I hope you find peace in your heart.
    You write English very well.

  15. Happy birthday, Orchid! I am here from thisisme's blog. I am so very sorry about your brother. I know the ache from it lives on. I do hope you have lovely things planned to celebrate your birthday today. I enjoyed reading your blog.

  16. Dear Orchid, A little birdie (named Thisisme), told me it was your birthday. You are only 2 months older than me. I hope you have a very happy birthday. So sorry to hear about your brother, and the struggles you've had this past year. I hope that this coming year will bring you much happines.

  17. I am here from Thisisme's blog.

    What a sad story and you I can tell are a woman with a big heart.

    Sorry for all your sadness. I have lost my brother too - in 1997. It is hard.

    Just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday!


  18. It is the 19th here today (probably later than that in Japan). I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. Sorry I didn't get it done while it was still the 19th in your part of the world.

  19. This is my first visit, Orchid. I am a follower of Diane's blog (Thisisme) and learnt from her that today is your birthday! I see you are the same age now as I am (56). I hope you have had a wonderful day, even though it is tinged with the sadness of your dear brother's one year anniversary away from you all.

    I am joining up as your newest follower and am looking forward to visiting as often as I am able to.

  20. Happy Birthday Orchid. What a year you have had.

    I can say, hand on heart that having had someone in my life who did something similar, that there is nothing you could have done, nothing at all. He is at peace now and hopefully that will help ease your sorrow. (((hugs)))

  21. My thoughts are with you and your late brother.

  22. Dearest Orchid,

    Happy belated birthday! So sorry I missed this for reading in time. I've head a week of horror as my server caused me problems with my email address and with my website. That will hopefully be resolved by Wednesday!
    But have a happy year ahead and many more in good health.

    Love to you,


  23. My Dear Orchid, sometimes life is not easy and when we have to say good bye to a loved one it's extremely difficult, I know. So very sorry about your brother, I did not know you lost your brother and I am deeply sorry. You are a brave gal and did all you could for him. May you have peace in your heart and soul. Hugs...Lu