Tomorrow on 19th, I'll be 56 years old. Well, I wish I will be able to make this birthday my jumping step for the life on my own.
Firstly, to my bro.
"We are planning your one year memorial service early next month. Your favorite aunty and others will come. I really am sorry that daddy wasn't at the funeral for you last year. But you'd understand it couldn't have been helped with his dementia condition. I'll write a very short tribute for you here after the ceremony. Then, I think I will be able to feel more comfortable. Please don't take this post dishonoring you. Just for my own sake, Niisan(bro)"
Last year was a tough year for me with two things
(1) making hubby's hobby room, (2)bro's illness and losing him. I'm sure that writing about it will give me some peace in my mind.
(1) My hubby retired from his more than 40years' bank-clerk job. Out of the blue, he announced me to build his hobby room, already having had a prior consultation with the carpenters he has known. The work took about half and 2 months, which was really longer than we expected. This (link) is my post I've written about the room only half a month later when I started blogging.
(2) And, along with the busy days dealing with construction workers, my single bro all of a sudden had been carried by an ambulance with the symtom of Water Intoxication. I was with him two nights at the hospital and since then he was no longer my bro I knew. I started checking what his mental illness was with PC. I visited private mental hospital he'd been visiting; slight hope that consulting with the doctor will get a help, but.....
(1) Busy helping hubby looking for new furniture and setting Soba equipment. Also I had to learn how to boil and cool it properly with icy wate, also home-made soup for Soba for both cold and hot one.
(2) Seeing bro's symptom getting worse early summer, it was obvious for me that I should convince him that he needed to be admitted. (This tough job should have saved him.) Well, I was surprised that lots of formalities to step to have him hospitalized in psychiatric of General Hospital. He'd been in the hospital untill middle of Sept. When the doctor allowed him to leave, he looked deep in the state of depression even for me. Around this time of last yer, I was scared that I wasn't sure if he was taking medicine regularly and the doctor didn't see him as often as bro needed.
I was inviting him dinner a lot (his house is 10 min. drive from my house) worrying about him looking really down. In the middle of Oct. the worst thing happened. We weren't able to expect it happen. After that day on, under the panic state, we tried to do our best to send him to our mother who died almost 10 years ago. It will take a bit of more time for me to be able to erase the thought that the tragedy wouldn't have happened, if I did so and so...
For the last, I appreciate all of my friends here encouraging me by commenting for my posts. Since I started blogging this February, your sweet comments and writing posts helped me a lot mentally.
Thank you very much everyone,